David S. Robbins, MA ~ Counselor and Psychotherapist

Most of us at some level assume or believe that we ’should’ feel joyful. On the other side of this we probably believe that we ’should not’ feel fearful. I am most interested when talking about feelings or emotions, such as joy or fear, in looking at the bodily sensations that make up this feeling in the body. You might experiment with this by recalling a time when you felt joyful. Bringing this memory in all its technicolor detail into your mind. Then drop into your body, particularly paying attention to the jaw, throat, chest, stomach, pelvis and notice what sensations are occurring. For me it is expansion in the chest a freedom and looseness in the jaw and throat – that is what I notice most. What do you notice most? Identify that – this is your body’s experience of joy – this i what the mind categorizes as joy when it occurs in the body.

We can do the same with fear. Bring up a memory in which you experienced a fearful time. Again noticing the body – I feel tension in the jaw and a general sense of constriction and tension in my chest and stomach. Notice what your experience is in the body.

Our ‘normal’ or homeostatic state is most likely mid way between these two extreme poles of feeling/emotion. As dynamic beings we need to understand we may move through these sensations, but they will arise and fall away, leaving us somewhere in the middle. We can welcome both of thes states and the dynamic rising and falling, contraction and release, of bodily sensations that leads us there. We don’t really need to strive for either state and we will experience both, if we allow the full spectrum of these sensations. Giving ourselves the permission to feel both poles of emotion and to let go of striving for any idealized state is the key.

Pema Chodron, a revered teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition refers to this as letting in all unwanted guests (and the wanted ones such as joy, happiness, hope, etc.) In the end it is just our experience, our life – by allowing joy we allow fear and by allowing fear we allow a full experience of joy.

I feel afraid or anxious so what do I do? I run away from what I perceive to be the cause of it, do something to stop it, do something to distract myself from it. Maybe you have your own strategy. All of these ways of dealing with fear have one thing in common – they will perpetuate that fear.

The secret that no one tells you is that to let go of the fear and anxiety what we really need to do is turn towards it and take a good look. Perhaps we even lean into the fear.

I am not suggesting you run into to traffic if you are afraid of getting hit by a car, or jump out of a plane if you are afraid of heights. What I am suggesting is that you turn towards the feeling of fear, rather than stuffing it, burying it, eating it away, or trying to distract yourself from it with drugs, alcohol, the internet, television, pornography – or whatever your particular method is. There are probably thousands of ways to attempt to avoid anxiety and fear. And none of them work, because the more we avoid and marginalize our feelings the more they grow and control us.

Our feelings are in our bodies and when we contact the actual sensations of the fear in our physical body we begin to unwind it. As we turn the light of our awareness towards fear we can begin to get to know it in all of its intimate details. In this way, much like in anything else in life, the more we know the less fear and anxiety there is.

Most people have feeling centers that they tend to experience uncomfortable sensation in when they are reacting with fear or anxiety. Feeling centers for you may be in your chest, throat, stomach, solar plexus, etc. These feeling centers can be accessed directly and gently through our conscious intention to feel them when we are activated by a particularly fearful thought or situation. We also feel positive emotions in these areas. The question to ask when you are experiencing happiness, sadness, fear, joy, resentment, anxiety, contentment, etc. is where am I feeling this in my body?

I work with clients to directly contact and turn toward their fears in a way that is safe and progressive. One of the benefits of therapy is that a therapist offers you guidance and support in facing and exploring your fears and anxieties with the light of awareness. A counselor is also trained in working with strong and potentially overwhelming feelings. You don’t have to do it alone.

The combination of learning mindfulness skills (approaching your fear with gentleness, and non-reactivity in the present moment) and emotional support from a trusted counselor can begin to unwind even the oldest and strongest fears and anxieties you are experiencing. In this way mindfulness-based therapy can begin to transform your fear into wisdom and wounds into healing.