Boulder Counselor and Therapist | David Robbins, MA, LPC

Most of us at some level assume or believe that we ‘should’ feel joyful. On the other side of this we probably believe that we ‘should not’ feel fearful. I am most interested when talking about feelings or emotions, such as joy or fear, in looking at the bodily sensations that make up this feeling in the body. You might experiment with this by recalling a time when you felt joyful. Bringing this memory in all its technicolor detail into your mind. Then drop into your body, particularly paying attention to the jaw, throat, chest, stomach, pelvis and notice what sensations are occurring. For me it is expansion in the chest a freedom and looseness in the jaw and throat – that is what I notice most. What do you notice most? Identify that – this is your body’s experience of joy – this i what the mind categorizes as joy when it occurs in the body.

We can do the same with fear. Bring up a memory in which you experienced a fearful time. Again noticing the body – I feel tension in the jaw and a general sense of constriction and tension in my chest and stomach. Notice what your experience is in the body.

Our ‘normal’ or homeostatic state is most likely mid way between these two extreme poles of feeling/emotion. As dynamic beings we need to understand we may move through these sensations, but they will arise and fall away, leaving us somewhere in the middle. We can welcome both of thes states and the dynamic rising and falling, contraction and release, of bodily sensations that leads us there. We don’t really need to strive for either state and we will experience both, if we allow the full spectrum of these sensations. Giving ourselves the permission to feel both poles of emotion and to let go of striving for any idealized state is the key.

Pema Chodron, a revered teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition refers to this as letting in all unwanted guests (and the wanted ones such as joy, happiness, hope, etc.) In the end it is just our experience, our life – by allowing joy we allow fear and by allowing fear we allow a full experience of joy.

A distilled message from Buddhism that is also shared by psychotherapy is that one must put your self before others. In our culture, we are spread so thin and are moving so fast, this message may seem decadent, impossible, or just plain selfish. I am writing to give you permission to give yourself something every day. I don’t mean a big mac, or a new purchase, but something that feels like love. I am suggesting time – time for exercise, time for meditation, time for therapy, time for a hot bath, time for a massage, time to prepare yourself a meal, or to write in your journal, perhaps even time to just take some deep breaths. This something that puts you back inside yourself ~ that grounds you in a state of well being, makes you feel real. The greatest gift you can give to yourself is just being with yourself, even if it is only for 5 or 10 minutes. So take some time out and put yourself first. Even a small investment in this way will pay itself forward to all of the people in your life who will profit from your increased sense of well being, in the way you interact, your attitude, your attention, and your compassion. It is impossible to have these qualities in relationship to others if we don’t first demonstrate them towards our selves.

Try it out, set aside 10 minutes a day of me time. I practice this by doing a sitting meditation every morning, no matter what is in store for me that particular day, even if it means getting up earlier or going to bed later. For me there is no compromise here, and every day is reflected in a more sane and less distorted way by this routine commitment.

This video from Shinzen Young, who has been an influential teacher in my meditation practice, demonstrates some of the insights he derived from his meditation practice early on, that he found profound and beneficial. This is a powerful commentary on the healing benefits of mindfulness meditation.

Having the blues for a few days at a time is normal. Usually these feelings are temporary and will pass after a few days. If you experience low mood, sadness, and hopeless for weeks, or even months at a time, there is a good possibility you are dealing with depression.

Some of the common signs/symptoms of depression are:

* Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” feelings
* Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
* Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness
* Irritability, restlessness
* Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
* Fatigue and decreased energy
* Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
* Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
* Overeating, or appetite loss
* Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
* Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

If you are experiencing these symptoms, over the period of two weeks or more, it would be a good idea to see a counselor or mental health professional. Medication can be a very valuable part of treatment for depression, but studies show that the most effective outcomes for those suffering with depression come with the use of counseling and medication. Counseling has also been shown to be at least as effective, or in some cases more effective than medication alone.

Often, when we are depressed we have lost touch with our inner world. We have numbed out and are wrapped up in ruminations, or persistent thoughts that often have a flavor of despair, desperation, and hopelessness. We often feel lethargic and heavy in our bodies, without much energy.

Despite this lethargy and exhaustion, getting out of the house and moving can often be one of the most effective forms of treatment for a depressive state or low mood. I often recommend 3-5 days a week of a half hour of aerobic exercise, such as jogging, or a vigorous walk. Even a short walk can make steps towards elevating our mood.

When I work with clients who feel depressed, I stress the movement away from the hopeless (and often non-stop) train of thoughts that run through one’s mind when we feel low. We cannot stop the thoughts, but we can loosen their hold on us and question our belief in the negative things that our thinking may be saying to us. If we can feel the body, we can start to dis-believe and let go of negative thinking patterns that are perpetuating depression. We can also reconnect with our body and awareness of the sensations of our body. In doing this we naturally move away from negative thoughts and energy starts moving in the body. When we begin to re-engage with our bodies we become more present in ourselves and our lives – this is a movement towards health and healing.

Below is a simple mindfulness exercise to start loosening the hold of negative thinking and re-connecting with the body:

Sit in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed, allowing 5-10 minutes
Begin to feel your feet on the floor (you may only be aware of a slight pressure or the flow of blood etc.)
Notice when your attention has been drawn away from the sensations in your feet
When you notice this gently let go of whatever you’ve been paying attention to.
Gently come back to noticing your feet and the sensations in that part of your body. (we are not trying to stop our thoughts, just to move our awareness to the body allowing the thoughts to continue in the background without paying attention to them.)

This sounds incredibly easy, but if you try it you will find how hard it is to stay concentrated just on the sensations of the feet. Our thoughts are very distracting and seductive; particularly when we are in a low mood or depressed state. If you practice this once or twice a day it will become easier to be aware of the negative thinking that perpetuates depression, and you will be able to quickly move away from them, and into your body. This will loosen the hold of your negative thoughts and usually our sad and hopeless feelings will begin to subside as well. Give a try.

You are more than your thoughts. Through this simple mindfulness exercise it becomes apparent that we can choose whether or not we believe negative and self-critical thoughts. Often our thoughts are simply a habitual script we learned at some point and are repeated in our minds during an associated mood or feeling state. These thoughts lose their power over us when we choose not to believe them by moving our concentrated awareness back into the body (as in the exercise above).

In the case of depression, negative or self-critical thinking can often perpetuate low moods and disturbing feelings. If we loosen the hold of our negative thinking often sad, hopeless, or despairing feelings will merely arise and pass away, rather than becoming a solid and perpetual state.

If you believe you are experiencing depression, do yourself a favor and seek out counseling. A therapist or counselor can help you learn to skillfully work with depression and re-connect to your life so your depressed feelings will lift and you can get back to living the life you want.

A researched model of treatment for depression, that works with mindfulness of the body to break through ruminative thinking patterns and relieve depression is Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy MBCT. I use this model of therapy (as well as other therapies) to help clients struggling with depression to regain equilibrium and feel better about themselves and their lives.

For additional resources on the depression, types of depression and treatment visit NIMH page on depression.

Warm Regards,

David

Quick mindfulness? Seems like an oxymoron, no? But it is true we can spend quick moments in our everyday life being mindful and it will increase our overall presence, awareness, relaxation, help to mitigate work related (or generalized) anxiety and tension and contribute to a greater sense of groundedness and well-being.

These are very quick exercises that we would engage in for only a few breaths or so to come back to our body and our present experience. I’ll be offering up more of these in future posts, but here are a few to start. I like to do these if I’m working and want a quick fix of mindfulness or am on the go…give them a try and let me know what you think.

1) Stop light meditation – when we hit a red light as we are driving around, take a moment to feel your body how it touches and seat, your feet on the floor of the car, hands on the steering wheel. Take 2-3 conscious breaths, feeling the expansion and contraction of the diaphrahgm as we breath in and out. Keeping your eyes open all the while and you can proceed with breathing and feeling the breathing until the light changes. You an then go on your way. Perhaps keeping some awareness in your body while also keeping most of your awareness outwardly focused to safely and consciously manuever your vehicle.

This would work on bike as well, or on foot if you are a pedestrian. Be creative with this.

2) Telephone Ring meditation -This was mentioned a few posts ago, but I thought I’d list it here again. I discovered quite some time ago when I worked in a high stress corporate environment that I would hold my breath and become quite tense right before I answered the phone. I was anticipating (read as thinking) about what bad news might be coming through the receiver. It was my job to manage difficult situations, so in some ways this was natural. I found that this telephone ring meditation helped me to reduce the level of tension and stress for myself and also be more present to the situation that was arising with the phone call. I felt more balanced and was more effective with my work.

Here’s the instruction for this one: When you hear the phone ring don’t reach for it immediately. Consciously take 1-2 breaths, feeling your feet on the ground, your buttocks in the chair. If you are lost in thought bring your full awareness to the breath and the sensations in your feet and buttocks. At the end of the two breaths answer the phone. You’ll know if you’ve lost track of the present moment and are operating on auto-pilot if neglect to do the breaths before answering the phone. This is a fun one to challenge yourself to do several times a day, or even every time the phone rings. Just remember to be forgiving if you don’t remember to take the space every time before a call. You will become more and more present with the practice over time.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm Regards,

David

See below for a streaming audio version of a guided mindfulness of breath awareness practice I’ve developed for my students and clients. This is also available here for download.

This is the initial practice given to beginning students of mindfulness meditation to begin to build concentration, presence and stabilize the mind. For many this is a lifelong practice. It is necessary to practice routinely to begin to feel shifts and changes in your quality of awareness.

Warm Regards,

David

In the swirl of stimuli and the 150 mph culture that we live in we often lose track of our body. It takes both effort and intention to be in the present and one of the easiest ways to access this is through our physical body. I like to check in with myself several times a day and ask myself this question:

Where are my feet?

I then feel deeply into my feet, feeling the sensations and or numbness that is there, hot/cold, tingly, etc. Just noticing whatever is going on there. What are they in contact with? The floor? Am I sitting cross legged? What is that like? You may find that it is difficult to be in your feet for more than a few seconds…just notice this and return to the feet. Feeling our body and making a relationship with it is one of the most profound types of mindfulness practice. I find that even doing this exercise for a few seconds increases my sense of presence, mindfulness, and increases grounding and relaxation.

This is an easy way to integrate some mindfulnes practice into your everyday life and give your mind and body a brief respite from the assault of stimulation.

Be well,

David