Most of my clients begin feeling relief from anxiety after the first 2-3 sessions. If you are interested in finding out more feel free to contact me for a free 20 minute consultation, in person or on the phone.

This is actually a unique opportunity. This void might be correlated with emptiness or ‘nothingness’ that is talked about in Buddhist psychology. A Buddhist teacher that I study with calls this the great unborn and Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls refers to this experience as the fertile void. Both of these terms suggest a creative aspect of this void or empty state. There is potential in nothingness, but the Western culture (where efficiency and constant production are prized) often fails to see this as a valuable experience. There cannot be manifestation without nothingness, we must have times of stillness where we do not produce. In fact, I would go as far as to say that we must rest in nothingness sometimes in order to be able to create sometimes.

In my experience as a student of spirituality, a musician and a psychotherapist I have been shown that the most fruitful and creative times for individuals come after a period of nothingness, void-ness, or emptiness that is completely embraced by that person (or group). Often an experience of this kind of not-alot-happening is seen with aversion or distaste and we try to push it away or move out of it, perhaps even feeling a sense of dread or fear. I would suggest that a more useful and healing way to approach this void-like space is to accept it or even welcome it to the best of our ability. Being curious about it – what does this feel like…what is this, we might ask ourselves.

The more we embrace this time of nothingness the greater the rewards in terms of what springs forth from the fertile void. We tend to suffer greatly when we try to push through this and make something happen. Instead, paradoxically by feeling and embodying the nothingness or fertile void as much as we can, it seems to move into another energetic space quite quickly. The struggle with it seems to elongate the experience and enhance a belief that this period of nothing will not pass. Often we simply need to give up and feel the emotional/physical experience of void – it is a form of rest mentally, physically, and emotionally. I might liken it to the time in between planting and harvest, when there is no sign of the plant yet, but we must wait for patiently for the water and fertilizer to do their jobs. If we get out of the way by simply letting this process of fertile void occur the harvest you experience will be worth waiting for.

This way of framing depression, stuckness, or nothingness in our lives goes very contrary to many of our beliefs, largely because of where we were brought up. Often it is helpful to seek out therapy or counseling, or some kind of support to help us unwind the beliefs and resistances to this experience that can keep us in a state of depression, anxiety, fear, or stuckness.

We can do the same with fear. Bring up a memory in which you experienced a fearful time. Again noticing the body – I feel tension in the jaw and a general sense of constriction and tension in my chest and stomach. Notice what your experience is in the body.

Our ‘normal’ or homeostatic state is most likely mid way between these two extreme poles of feeling/emotion. As dynamic beings we need to understand we may move through these sensations, but they will arise and fall away, leaving us somewhere in the middle. We can welcome both of thes states and the dynamic rising and falling, contraction and release, of bodily sensations that leads us there. We don’t really need to strive for either state and we will experience both, if we allow the full spectrum of these sensations. Giving ourselves the permission to feel both poles of emotion and to let go of striving for any idealized state is the key.

Pema Chodron, a revered teacher in the Shambhala Buddhist tradition refers to this as letting in all unwanted guests (and the wanted ones such as joy, happiness, hope, etc.) In the end it is just our experience, our life – by allowing joy we allow fear and by allowing fear we allow a full experience of joy.

The secret that no one tells you is that to let go of the fear and anxiety what we really need to do is turn towards it and take a good look. Perhaps we even lean into the fear.

I am not suggesting you run into to traffic if you are afraid of getting hit by a car, or jump out of a plane if you are afraid of heights. What I am suggesting is that you turn towards the feeling of fear, rather than stuffing it, burying it, eating it away, or trying to distract yourself from it with drugs, alcohol, the internet, television, pornography – or whatever your particular method is. There are probably thousands of ways to attempt to avoid anxiety and fear. And none of them work, because the more we avoid and marginalize our feelings the more they grow and control us.

Our feelings are in our bodies and when we contact the actual sensations of the fear in our physical body we begin to unwind it. As we turn the light of our awareness towards fear we can begin to get to know it in all of its intimate details. In this way, much like in anything else in life, the more we know the less fear and anxiety there is.

Most people have feeling centers that they tend to experience uncomfortable sensation in when they are reacting with fear or anxiety. Feeling centers for you may be in your chest, throat, stomach, solar plexus, etc. These feeling centers can be accessed directly and gently through our conscious intention to feel them when we are activated by a particularly fearful thought or situation. We also feel positive emotions in these areas. The question to ask when you are experiencing happiness, sadness, fear, joy, resentment, anxiety, contentment, etc. is where am I feeling this in my body?

I work with clients to directly contact and turn toward their fears in a way that is safe and progressive. One of the benefits of therapy is that a therapist offers you guidance and support in facing and exploring your fears and anxieties with the light of awareness. A counselor is also trained in working with strong and potentially overwhelming feelings. You don’t have to do it alone.

The combination of learning mindfulness skills (approaching your fear with gentleness, and non-reactivity in the present moment) and emotional support from a trusted counselor can begin to unwind even the oldest and strongest fears and anxieties you are experiencing. In this way mindfulness-based therapy can begin to transform your fear into wisdom and wounds into healing.

These are very quick exercises that we would engage in for only a few breaths or so to come back to our body and our present experience. I’ll be offering up more of these in future posts, but here are a few to start. I like to do these if I’m working and want a quick fix of mindfulness or am on the go…give them a try and let me know what you think.

1) Stop light meditation – when we hit a red light as we are driving around, take a moment to feel your body how it touches and seat, your feet on the floor of the car, hands on the steering wheel. Take 2-3 conscious breaths, feeling the expansion and contraction of the diaphrahgm as we breath in and out. Keeping your eyes open all the while and you can proceed with breathing and feeling the breathing until the light changes. You an then go on your way. Perhaps keeping some awareness in your body while also keeping most of your awareness outwardly focused to safely and consciously manuever your vehicle.

This would work on bike as well, or on foot if you are a pedestrian. Be creative with this.

2) Telephone Ring meditation -This was mentioned a few posts ago, but I thought I’d list it here again. I discovered quite some time ago when I worked in a high stress corporate environment that I would hold my breath and become quite tense right before I answered the phone. I was anticipating (read as thinking) about what bad news might be coming through the receiver. It was my job to manage difficult situations, so in some ways this was natural. I found that this telephone ring meditation helped me to reduce the level of tension and stress for myself and also be more present to the situation that was arising with the phone call. I felt more balanced and was more effective with my work.

Here’s the instruction for this one: When you hear the phone ring don’t reach for it immediately. Consciously take 1-2 breaths, feeling your feet on the ground, your buttocks in the chair. If you are lost in thought bring your full awareness to the breath and the sensations in your feet and buttocks. At the end of the two breaths answer the phone. You’ll know if you’ve lost track of the present moment and are operating on auto-pilot if neglect to do the breaths before answering the phone. This is a fun one to challenge yourself to do several times a day, or even every time the phone rings. Just remember to be forgiving if you don’t remember to take the space every time before a call. You will become more and more present with the practice over time.

Hope this is helpful.

Warm Regards,

David